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sherrila

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( tellme? )

[14 Oct 2009|06:16pm]
.001642

(2 some things said | tellme? )

Happy fishaversary! [10 Oct 2009|04:46am]
Love,

So often you fall asleep before I do. I kiss you into sleep while I am still quite awake. My lips press prayers into your forehead. My hands wander but do not make demands. We say sweet things. I go downstairs for awhile. I come back and watch you sleep. I love this time. I think about how well our lives fit together. How the ways we have sewn our hearts to one another's tend not to pull or hurt. It creates strength in a place where damage is so much more likely. I think about my life and how there was so much instability until my love met your love and we grew a new kind of life that fit both of us.

Your love has allowed me to blossom. I am safe, but challenged. It's a hard balance to strike, but you do it with such effortless grace. I am so grateful for you and for us. And for the home we make with our little stripedy cat.

I'll be up soon. I hope that you're having gloriously freckled dreams.

love,
s

( tellme? )

[10 Oct 2009|03:37am]
How do you know who you are?

I have been thinking a lot about identity lately. I am curious about the aspects of identity that are "entirely" self-motivated versus those that are defined in the interaction between how we see ourselves and how others see us.

( tellme? )

Why I love Hieroglyphics: [02 Oct 2009|01:29am]
"I'm leaving. Don't nobody worry, I'll be doing my damn thing, quick-fast in a hurry: dreamweaving."

( tellme? )

Really, Really, Why I love Brother Ali: [01 Oct 2009|05:03pm]
"Blind in the eyes, so I see you with my heart and to me all y'all look the same: fear, faith, compassion, and pain."

(4 some things said | tellme? )

[30 Sep 2009|05:14am]
Ha. So. You may have noticed that I have been rather posty lately. Not that I am actually saying anything, but I am making my presence known a bit more overtly. Everyone wants to know what song lyrics are interesting to me, right? Right. LOL.

What am I doing? Perhaps we should start there! I've been painting and drawing again. Nothing really exciting yet, but, whoa! It's happening! And I'm writing! Poems and a storyish thing in the works. All of these somehow combine in a 'zine I've been working on. I feel more myself than I have in awhile. Depression is receding. Exciting times, yo!

Hrm. School. School never ends! This is doubly true of grad school. I do love the meetings and discussions, but the zillions of pages of required reading? Not so much. I have been waiting to finish THE LAST THIRTY PAGES of a pleasure-book for TWO DAYS because homework or exhaustion has gotten to me first. Guh!

On campus today, I think I met Travis from Gym Class Heroes. His PR fella called me shy. What? Ha.

There has been some drama in RL-friendland. I'm guessing that's obvious. It feels like my world is stretching and shrinking and just fucking changing. It's overwhelming and somedays I just cry and cry. Other days I ignore it all. Still others find me making it into art so I can do the subject/object-at-the-same-time thing.

Was: Re: Re: Drama: Send the US Embassy in Jamaica some expeditious energy for me, will ya? KTHX.

My mother has COPD. She claims that she's really quit smoking this time. Seven days with no cigarettes, she says. I feel distant and clumsy. She's quit so many dozens of times and gone back in a day, a week, or a month that I have a now-instinctive skepticism. Being supportive sometimes means getting my feelings hurt. Some days that's too much.

G has been working crazy hard. Writing code until his eyes hurt and passing out in front of the fireplace. Today we watched the Daily Show (thank you HULU!) together snuggled on the couch. We haven't done that in a long time. I'm glad we did. We're both so wrapped up in our own work/art/etc that we forget to do sweet mindless things sometimes. I don't know if I say it enough, but I am so incredibly grateful that we're together. He's good in this really human way. Genuine, but not saintly. Saintly would be hard to touch with my lascivious hands.

Speaking of saints! Over the weekend we went for a walk in the Berkeley hills with Kash. We talked for a bit, but mostly enjoyed the quiet warmth of togetherness. Kash found a baby snake and G picked him up and we watched him squiggle all around. On our way back, we heard the hoots of an owl and Kash followed the sound until we saw the owl perched on the branch of a tree. G took some photos and we stood there looking for a long while. I miss how G, Ali, Kash and I used to spend every shabbos together. Family spreads, the plaits get looser or longer. Life grows us into several plaits and we are pulled.

I am pulled.

--------------------

Brother Ali is coming soon. About this, I am ecstatic.

A lyrical bonus, just so this stays in the theme:

"You say, I made you fall in love with me. Wish I could make you fall in love with you. You believe in the magic that us could be. What that 'you and I means one' could do."

"Puppy love's real to a puppy."

( tellme? )

[30 Sep 2009|05:13am]
Oh, glow-in-the-dark-star, I am so happy that you're watching me.

( tellme? )

Why I love Mos Def: [30 Sep 2009|04:34am]
"Slow down, ma, you killin' me. I'm uncrossin' signals to rate how you feelin' me... You talkin' low on the phone, like you 'bout sum'n."

( tellme? )

Help? :) [27 Sep 2009|06:09am]
I've been going through verrrrrry old tapes and I came across part of a song that was stuffed on to the last thirty seconds of a mix tape. I either have forgotten or just DON'T KNOW what track it is. No idea what song it is or who the artist is. Even SHAZAM fails to recognize. Please, please help me identify this track.

Many apologies in advance for the AWFUL sound quality: http://sherrila.bdmonkeys.net/music/unknown.aif

Thank you!!

( tellme? )

[27 Sep 2009|06:00am]
Teshuva, teshuva.

( tellme? )

[26 Sep 2009|01:56am]
[ mood | idealistic, romantic ]

"Lovers don't finally meet somewhere, they're in each other all along." -Rumi

I believe that this is why we knew each other when our eyes and hands met. This is how we knew one another so quickly, so easily.

How many stories, how many soul threads. How thickly woven, how thinly...

( tellme? )

Really, Why I love Jean Grae: [23 Sep 2009|02:32am]
"Intelligent rhetoric, brain packed like the tenements."

( tellme? )

Why I love Jean Grae: [23 Sep 2009|02:28am]
"And I don't love love, all the hurting is infinite."

( tellme? )

the ten days. [23 Sep 2009|02:14am]
So. It's almost Yom Kippur. I should be all about teshuva, but I'm not there yet. I am still so hurt and angry and disappointed in my friends that I can barely speak, let alone ask for and offer forgiveness. I am usually understanding (some say to a fault) and it is odd to feel so self-focused so self-protective that I can't get myself clean of these difficult feelings. Does loyalty begin with the self?

I'm trying, I'm trying.

(This means I love you.)

(4 some things said | tellme? )

[22 Sep 2009|01:20pm]
It's over, it's over, it's over. Over and over, it's over.

( tellme? )

Really, Why I love Black Thought: [16 Sep 2009|11:24pm]
"Now she in my world like hip hop."

( tellme? )

Why I love Black Thought: [16 Sep 2009|11:21pm]
"We knew from the start that things fall apart and tend to shatter ... she like, 'that shit don't matter, when I get home, get at her.' "

(2 some things said | tellme? )

[16 Sep 2009|03:49am]
It was all a dream.

(4 some things said | tellme? )

Life as a mixtape. [13 Sep 2009|05:05am]
So much has been changing. I have some urge to document it, but I'm still so quiet. It's interesting to be so different and so much the same.

I am so grateful for everyday - even the ones I spend in tears.

( tellme? )

Really, Why I love Brother Ali: [13 Sep 2009|05:02am]
"I'm a poetry chick magnet with Goldie the Pimp habits."

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